Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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