She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
