you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
