My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
