Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
