Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
