Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
