I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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