I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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