FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
