this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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