My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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