no, he came in my armpit
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Randomize
