my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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