Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
