All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
