she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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