the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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