i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
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I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
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Well I just put wine in my tea
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
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