So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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