Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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