oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
