You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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