you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Someone shit on the floor
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
