I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
