So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
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I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
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I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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