The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
