Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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