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Define "chronic" masturbator.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
