There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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