You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
But theres a keg here and me gusta
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
