i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
