this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
