Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
