i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
