I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
