My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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