Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
