I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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