census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
operation harelip BJ is a go
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
