I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
