Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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