you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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