I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
my phone needs a breathalizer
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
