Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
So squirting runs in the family.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Dear god my vagina.
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