There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Randomize
