the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
