i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
