I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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