I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
