There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
