Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
