my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
