i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
