dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
How external is "for external use only"?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Randomize
