I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
