I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
