but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
