I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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