textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize