I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
