How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
