I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
It's just like the Real World with babies
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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