I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
