I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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