friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
