WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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