My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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