so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Drunk is not a location!
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
