Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
They took my balls.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
