I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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