i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
my shit smells like andre
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
