She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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