I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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